I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize