The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
