I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
