New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize