my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
