the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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