Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Someone came in the potted fern
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
