WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
