Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize