Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
