I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
