How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
