God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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