Just cropdusted the office
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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