i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
try to milk me bitch
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