we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
