He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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