guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
