Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
