I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
