Soap is not a condiment
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
