I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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