This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
