I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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