it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
