They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
