Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im holly from the hills drunk
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
