I wish I could teleport
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
