You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
