I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
