She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize