distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
