I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
