My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
