i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
