this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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