after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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