I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize