she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
