escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
