as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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