i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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