My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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