I like to think it a success when the cops are called
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
