pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
