i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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