Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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