No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize