You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
