so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
