so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
