i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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