i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
