i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
