So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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