YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
