Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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