puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
