Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
