Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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