Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
