You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
