I will die if light touches me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
