sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
