Me. At least after what I've been through.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
