Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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