From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
