I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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