we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
