I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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