you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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