as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
