Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
