Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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