i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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