i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
