Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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