no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
