im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
