I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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