Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
