i was born a porn star she said
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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