Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
