I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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