dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
