when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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